If you want to be a parent, you are a candidate for adoption.
It is a natural desire to wish to pro-create. Every living thing on earth replicates and creates young, whether it is a bird or a blade of grass. It is also natural to want to protect those who are already here.
Most of us have seen pictures or heard stories of a farm pig who suckles orphaned kittens, or the dog who allows an orphaned baby squirrel to suck. Then there is the elephant who, upon the death of a mother, will take the dead mother’s calf to herself to nurse. Adoption is a completely natural part of life and exists throughout the animal kingdom.
Some of us are not able to conceive or to give birth. The desire for children is strong, which is also a natural state of being. So, it would only be normal to open one’s arms and home to a child in need of a family.
I once had a friend say to me that she was afraid to adopt because she felt that the child would not be like her own because she did not carry it. I paused for a second and then replied, “I feel very sorry for your husband, then.” She looked at me with surprise and asked, “Why?” “Well,” I answered, “he did not carry your daughter. He didn’t feel her growing inside of his womb. So, I guess she must not feel like his child.” She understood.
The moment you hold your child in your arms, it doesn’t matter if you gave birth or not. What matters is that here is a new life, which is dependent upon you to survive. Here is a sweet baby, which will look to you for the rest of his or her life for love, guidance, support. Here is your child.
Many people want to adopt, but feel that they can’t afford it. There are children languishing in foster homes or orphanages praying, yearning for a family, for a home. They are considered special needs because they either have a physical problem, like my son who was born with cleft lip and palate, or are part of a sibling group, or are of mixed race or are older. Most states do not charge any fees for the adoption of these very special children. If therapies or surgeries are needed, the county will usually pay for them.
So, if you’ve spent all of your youth climbing that corporate ladder and don’t have time for an infant, or you have a good home, but not enough money to cover adoption fees, special needs adoption is a perfect way to build a loving, close family.
Whether you choose domestic, international or special needs adoption, be prepared for the greatest love of your life!
A few months ago my friends were awarded their little boy. The couple has really grown in ways I did not see possible. Their capaciity to love and to express that love is indeed awesome. It is a shame that so many childless couples decide not to adopt. Although I have 8 children of my own, I really appreciate husbands and wives who adopt and love their children as their very own. There are so many fine examples of such unselfishness.
If we had a bigger house and my Dutch was perfect I’d be keen to have foster children here, I know it’s hard work and stressfull but I’d really love to do that.
Adoption is not for me, it’s not for everyone. I am happier adopting mothers and doing my bit from that direction.
I understand there are children who need families and homes and I support finding them wonderful situations. I don’t support adoption being the first solution to an unplanned pregnancy (and yes I know you’re not saying that it sould be – just to clarify to anyone reading this comment)
The other thing is that I can’t have a rosy view of adoption – my history and experience means that I will always see the other side – the loss – the grief and the longing that comes from losing a child. I’d love to be standing on the other side of the fence, holding the baloon at the airport, being overjoyed when an adoption is finalized, seeing it as something wonderful – but I can’t. I don’t apologize for that and I don’t mean it in an unkind way either.
I’ve added you to my links too!
I love the way you see the other side to it, though. You’re not being unkind. Of course you are going to see adoption with pain, great loss and regret that you couldn’t keep your child. My heart goes out to you.
When Chris came home, yes, I was overjoyed. But I have to be honest, during the night ,in between feedings, I wondered about his first mother: what she was doing, was she lying awake, was she crying? I prayed a lot for her and her partner because I knew that my joy was at the expense of someone else’s pain.
But, we can’t help but rejoice, especially when our children begin to recognize us, our voices, our faces, and give us that special “Mommy!” look. It is a thrilling journey, but I sincerely wish it was not made at the expense of someone else.
Thank you for speakingup for the more than 100,000 children – of the half million in foster care – whose parents rights have been terminated and there is no plan for reunification.
One caveat: Adoption, as it is practiced in the US today, is NOT natural.
Adoption in this country unnecessarily and permanently severs chidlren from their family of origins, including siblings, and disconnects them from former foster families that may have been a loving part of their lives.
We can far better. We can better use tax dollars and other resources to work to rehabilitate families; to find extended family and help them financially and otherwise to care for their now; to do far better for chidlren that “age out” of “the system”; and to stop the wholesale SALE of healthy infants domestically and internationally in the name of adoption that is supported by tax incentives under the guide of helping special needs adoptions without distinguishing between the two.
Mirah Riben,
author “The Stork Market: America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry”
You bring up a very good point. I am speaking, and perhaps didn’t make it clear, of the children with no more options.
When we began adoption, we almost became the new parents of a five-year-old little girl. Her mother was dying of cancer and was desperately trying to find her daughter a home before she, the mother, died. She picked us, but at the last minute, a distant relative was found.
We were disappointed? Yes, of course. But we were relieved that the little girl’s mother could die in peace knowing her daughter was taken care of.
Our son had no more options. It was over for him if we didn’t step in, because of the ignorance of the other couples contacted.
These are the children I speak of.
To say adoption in the US is unnatural is perhaps overstating? There was nothing unnatural about my son’s adoption, and he was not “sold” to us. He was entrusted to us and we stepped in when no one else would. And in doing so, we have found more happiness than we could have believed possible.
And, by the way, we have not received a dime. Not a cent. We have spent thousands and thousands of dollars in surgeries, therapy and special schooling, because we love our son with all of our hearts. Our son ENTRUSTED to us. Not sold.
Debra,
In all the time I’ve known you, I’m not sure whether I’ve mentioned that my brother and sister-in-law adopted, a beautiful baby girl from China. She is going to be 10 next month, or is that 11, I am losing track. She is a blessing to the whole family, including her extended family.
Claudia
No, I didn’t know! Claudia, I NEED to see pictures!
Your books arrived today, thank you so much that is so sweet of you. I will treasure them.
much love
Kim
You are so welcome!